Off With His Head
by AliceAD
Summary: On request: Stayne/Tarrant. A spell backfires and they end up switching bodies. Rated for language, slash, and smut.


**Fandom: **Alice in Wonderland 2010  
**Rating:** R ( M )  
**Warning:** Explicit content, do not read when under 18.  
**Pairing: **Stayne / Tarrant  
**Genre:** General/Romance

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own a thing. Even the idea for the summary is a plotbunny from outer space =)_

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_Reply to: 2010_Alice_Kink: _

_(Anoniem)_  
_2010-04-10 03:51 am UTC _

_Stayne/Tarrant. A spell backfires and they end up switching bodies. To get back to normal, they have to have sex._

**Au:** _Okay. This is the worst thing I have written so far O_O I feel like I horribly failed xD It's just so hard! I might redo this fic or add more chapters if you like :P I just realized I wrote it today, within one and a half hour of time O_O …. That is scary… Anyway, I hope you'll still enjoy ^_^ Here's some Tarrant/Stayne smut._

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**Off With His Head**

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**-1-**

"Off with his head!"

The Red Queen screeched violently whilst pointing a finger into the air. The hatter seemed to shrink under her pointing finger and it looked as if he wanted nothing more than to disappear. Truth to be told anyone would in his situation. Stayne took a step forward and Tarrant gave him a dangerous glare.

"Don't you dare." His accented voice lisped quietly but the knave cocked his head and let out a hoarse laugh.

"As if you could command me." He grinned. It was obvious the hatter tried to stay brave and tugged at his own coat nervously.

"I've so much uses."

Ilosovic snorted. Behind him the Red Queen was waiting impatiently.

"So many talents. I think you might be making a huge mistake." But no one would listen to the silly hatter as he kept babbling on about how his life should be spared. The soldiers came and dragged him off to the dungeon.

The Red Knave let out a sigh of relief and turned towards his majesty again.

"Tomorrow morning." She stated matter-of-factly. "Tomorrow." The knave nodded and bowed for her. "You're dismissed."

He turned around to leave when he could hear Iracebeth click her tongue.

"No, come to think of it,"

Stayne squeezed his eyes shut and feared for the worst,

"Stay."

It was the worst.

He reluctantly turned around to face her once more and forced a smile.

"I want to try this."

The knave looked around the room and wondered what she wanted to try but a servant already popped up in front of him and carried a large cane to the queen who grinned widely.

"Isn't that a scepter, ma'am?"

"Very good, Stayne." Iracebeth purred at him. She had her eyes half closed and looked longingly at him, sending shivers down his spine – not of pleasure – and making him feel even more uncomfortable than the March Hare could. "And do you know what it can do?" Stayne wanted to roll his eyes but managed to control his bodily functions.

"No." His hoarse voice replied.

"Magic." Iracebeth replied with another click of the tongue. This time the shudder was clearly visible and the Red Queen smirked as she thought she was getting on quite well at seducing her knave.

"But ma'am?" He was utterly confused and wanted to suggest that she could use magic without extra instruments as well but she cut him off.

"I know, Stayne, I know. But this should prolong the effects of my magic. Watch this." She stood up from her throne and pointed the stick at one of her frog servants. The poor fellow squeaked and wanted to duck when a spell hit him. "See?" Iracebeth grinned widely again yet Stayne could not see any difference.

The frog shook his head and look baffled at the queen and then at Stayne.

"Hmm," His dark voice hummed. He was clearly amused by her failure. "Good result."

Angrily, the Red Queen turned on him.

"Stop your irony! I have eyes as well you fool!" she scolded and pointed the stick at him.

"Worthless piece of rubbish!"

Stayne felt as if he was stabbed in the chest and looked at her in disbelief.

"Your majesty?"

**-2- **

"WutterFerrut!"

The hatter slammed his fists against the wall of his cell and kept cursing loudly.

"Bloody Queen!" He kicked one of the bricks and winced at the sharp pain that shot through his feet as he did so.

"Bloody foot!" He grabbed his foot and started to jump in circles through the cell. His attention was only caught when he could hear footsteps approach him and he looked over his shoulder to see none other than Ilosovic Stayne waiting behind the bars.

"Amusing yourself?" He grinned.

"It's bloody unfair!" The Scottish voice rasped as Tarrant pointed his finger accusingly at the knave.

"I know." A low voice filled with uncertainties. "It would be a pity to see such a pretty head go, all on its own, with no body attached to it."

The hatter stretched his arms through the bars and tried to grab Stayne's collar but he took a step backwards and laughed. The laugh being awkwardly familiar to the hatter's ears.

It wasn't the laugh of the real Ilosovic Stayne.

"Could you watch yourself be killed?" The hatter snickered.

Stayne looked at him with huge eyes. "Of course not. Why do you think I came to visit you?"

The hatter kept moving his arms about like a wild animal ready to tear up his prey. "Stop joking around. I never asked for this."

Stayne grinned. "Well, I never asked to be put in prison to be decapitated either."

Another snort. "Funny."

Stayne showed his teeth with another smile. "It's the hatter's trade."

"It's mad." The hatter retorted.

Stayne's eyes sparkled more and more. "Like I said."

The hatter huffed at this.

"I took the privilege of exploring the castle for a way out. I must say you're the nicest taxi I've ever ridden."

The hatter glared evilly at the knave. "Don't call my body a taxi!" He screeched.

"I do wonder why you still have my voice. I would have loved to hear you being me."

The hatter covered his ears and took a few more steps back into his cell. "Quit it."

Stayne nodded. "Sure, mate." A faint Scottish accent started to show through the knave's words. "How about I leave again." He turned around and attempted to walk away.

"No, wait!" The hatter reached out for him again. "Please, just make this all undone." He pleaded.

The knave smirked and turned to face the red-haired man once more. "The queen did this?" He asked and the hatter nodded firmly.

"Yes, she pointed her stupid cane at me. I hadn't noticed what was going on until I suddenly found myself in here, trapped in not only a cell but also your disgusting body! Seriously, man, you reek of filth. How can you survive being you?"

Stayne smirked mysteriously. "Well, obviously I can't for they want my head."

The hatter screeched at him again. "Your head? Not because it's a pretty one I suppose. And your limbs? They're so small!"

Stayne's eyes showed hurt. "Not all of them."

Immediately the hatter blushed madly. "Filth." He muttered audibly.

"Listen," The knave said as he showed his hand and counted his fingers, "We have until tomorrow morning. If we haven't found a solution to switch back our bodies I will lose my appearance and you will lose your life."

The hatter, who apart from his looks and voice was in fact the Red Knave, nodded vigorously. "I know, fool! Do you think you can find a remedy?"

Stayne, who in fact was Tarrant ever since the Red Queen pointed her magic stick at the knave, smirked and tapped one of the bars with his hand. "Of course, mate. I'll go and find a way to change us back again. And I'll release my body out of that cell." With that he turned around and with a determined look on his face he exited the dungeons.

Stayne who was now the hatter slumped back against the brick wall and shook violently.

"Never trust a mad man."

**-3-**

Tarrant smiled widely as he shook the keys in front of his own nose. The other man who inhabited his body was following them with his eyes for a while before he finally snapped.

"Good grace, man! Just open up!"

Tarrant grinned. His voice was still that of Stayne and so was his body. "I will open it up for you if I knew I could trust you. But unfortunately I can't."

"It's almost midnight." The knave in shape of the hatter cried out.

"I know." Tarrant wiggled his eyebrows.

The other man slumped against the wall in defeat. "You still haven't found a remedy for our misery?"

Tarrant grinned. "No. But I did use the lavatory."

Stayne's eyes grew wide. "WHAT?"

Tarrant shrugged and held up his hands. "No offence, but you really had to go. Your body is like a sieve when it comes to tea."

Stayne's eyes widened even more as he roared madly. "YOU DRANK TEA WITH MY BODY?"

Tarrant grinned wider. "And went to take a shit."

"Bloody MARY!" Stayne kicked the wall of the cell again.

"Oh my," Tarrant gasped, "I really do look cute when I'm angry."

"Thanks for the compliment." The other man in his body replied.

The body of the knave snickered and the body of the hatter glared angrily at him from behind the bars.

"So this is it? We'll stay this way? I'll get decapitated on your behalf."

The mad knave rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I suppose so."

"Great."

Tarrant smirked. "However I did find one way to reverse the spell. For that is what it is, a spell gone wrong."

Stayne looked up at him as if he was taken by surprise. "How? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

The mad knave snorted again. "I was enjoying myself much too much. I don't have the chance to observe myself all day."

Stayne growled. He was clearly irritated.

"Now take off your pants."

The body of the hatter froze and blinked at him. "EXCUSE ME?" He roared.

Tarrant looked serious though. "Our bodies need to become one again. Take off your pants. Or to be more precise, my pants. But you seem to be wearing them today."

"Hell NO!" Stayne complained.

"Hell yes." Tarrant dangled the keys in front of his own resemblance.

"Fuck off."

Tarrant complied. "All right."

And with that left the Red Knave who looked like himself to his own.

**-4-**

"I changed my mind."

"Did you now?" Tarrant grinned.

"Yes." Stayne looked at him with guilty eyes. The clock behind Tarrant who now looked as the knave indicated that the arrival of the hatter's death was going to be soon.

Too soon.

Stayne saw no other solution.

"I'll do it. I'll become one with you in every way." He closed his eyes and massaged his temples making Tarrant groan softly. The image of himself rubbing his hands past his own skin was ever so stimulating.

"Good." Tarrant unlocked the door to his cell and entered, making sure he hid the keys so that Stayne wouldn't escape from him, and closed the door again behind him. The knave only blinked at him.

"I am quite large." He finally stated.

"Yes." Tarrant felt he couldn't deny that fact as he looked down upon himself. "But I'm sure your body part will fit in somewhere inside of me."

Stayne nodded and took Tarrant by surprise by opening the man's pants swiftly. Tarrant gasped. "You do this more often?" He spoke as he felt how his trousers had left and how the hatter's body had gripped his penis firmly.

"I have had to help myself on several occasions." Stayne replied hoarsely.

"Hmm." Tarrant licked his lips and closed his good eye. He felt how Ilosovic started to lick his shaft before suckling on it. A smile appeared on his lips at the thought of how Stayne was now in fact giving his own body a blow job.

How weird.

Only someone who was mad could think that up.

He moaned softly when Stayne decided to take him in as far as possible and couldn't help but to move his hips, his thrusting getting harder with every movement of Stayne's tongue. Tarrant ran his hand into the red hair of the man who was taking him in deeper and deeper.

"I have such a lovely mouth." He groaned out loud and felt how the man under his grip stirred. But his own grip was too strong and he left Stayne no other option but to keep sucking. The feel of the tongue stroking past his member and the suckling of the man drove him insane. He was now thrusting harder until he could feel his climax and groaned out loudly, holding the hatter's head firmly in place and forcing Stayne to swallow his own cum. He licked his lips and opened his good eye again to look down at his own image. Some of his seed had run down the hatter's chin. Carefully, Tarrant dipped his head and licked the semen away.

Stayne's eyes shone angrily. "I'm still you." He grumped.

"You haven't been in me yet."

It sounded fair.

Tarrant could feel his member growing hard again and looked meaningfully at Stayne. "You're not easily satisfied, are you?"

Stayne groaned. "You're insane."

Tarrant smiled as he pulled the other man close to his chest. Then he whispered near his ear. "Call me mad."

He took Stayne's hands in his and helped him unzip his own pants. "Practice." He explained and Stayne nodded.

"Anything to get rid of this abominable body." The knave who still looked like the hatter muttered.

Tarrant pressed the man close to his chest and let his long arms roam his body. His body ached for more and he managed to whisper with only a slight tremble in his voice: "Let me show how you feel." Stayne turned his head to look confused at him and Tarrant took his chance and pressed his lips firmly against those of the knave. At the same time, one rough hand gripped his hip painfully, while his fingers wrapped around the base of Stayne's cock. Stayne moaned loudly as Tarrant started to move his hand up and down in a rhythm, driving the knave insane with lust. Without thinking twice Tarrant slammed his hips forward and entered the man's small passage who gasped at the feeling of an intruder.

"You're too large." Stayne complained with tears in his eyes. Tarrant, meanwhile, felt the deliciously tight muscles around him pulse and thought it was heavenly.

"No," He retorted, "you're too large."

He kept thrusting his hips while his hand kept moving up and down the other man's shaft. Stayne growled as he felt his climax getting close.

"I-I'm coming." He cried out.

"Yes, you are." Tarrant concurred and with another harsh thrust he slid in forward as deep as he could and released another load. He kept still until he had caught his breath again. A firm grip still on Stayne's hips who tried to wiggle his hips, his penis still hard. "Please." He muttered helplessly. Tarrant nodded his head and slid out of his own body.

'Weird,' he thought, 'I just came inside myself.'

He took his stance against the wall, with his palms placed against the bricks and arms and legs spread. Stayne grabbed him roughly by the hips and thrust in smoothly.

"Lord, I feel good." He moaned and steadily picked up a pace, slow at first but soon he went faster and harder.

Tarrant moaned loudly. "Stayne, hurry up. We haven't got all day." The clock indicated that they had only minutes before the hatter was supposed to be decapitated. With a grunt and a few more thrusts Stayne buried himself to the hilt and felt his orgasm wash over him.

They both had to catch their breath.

**-5- **

"Is he there?" The Red Queen wondered out loud.

"Yes, ma'am." Stayne bowed and with a wicked grin on his face lead the soldier to the stage. Between them the hatter walked unsteadily. Many people who watched thought it must have been because he was reluctant and they pitied the poor guy. Reality was that his bum hurt from his own infiltration.

As he walked up to meet his punishment he could see Stayne wink at him.

**-6-**

"Tarrant?"

"What is it Alice?" He looked at her with a gentle smile on his face. His voice was soft and with a lisp.

"Are you hurt?" The blonde looked worried at him.

"No, I'm fine." Tarrant lied and winced as he shifted in his seat. He glared at the cat who smirked back at him knowingly. After all, it had been Stayne who had called for the cat after he had retrieved his own body. Both men came to their senses after their deed and Tarrant had found himself still inside the Red Knave. He had immediately slid out of him and picked up his pants again. Stayne, however, seemed to have had a change of heart as he had voluntarily helped the hatter escape.

Tarrant, still in thought, brought his cup of tea to his lips to sip from it. He wondered how the Red Knave was doing now that he was exiled to the Outlands.

And pitied him.


End file.
